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Saturday, 27 February 2016

My New Mouse

Old mouse died last evening, and i had to replace it. So i have a new mouse.
The old, now dead mouse I LOVED that mouse. I cant Tell you how much, else I'd have to kill you. Lets say when i got it i was exstatic as i got it via a pricing error. Nuff said on that bit.
That ones dead.
The New One? The puter thought it was a KEYBOARD, when i plugged in the usb reciever. Fixed that though.
Anyway, doubts over new mouse, justified, as I told you I loved the other one, and new one is just slightly bigger.
I continue.
New mouse? Has a Speed button on it. That works. Three speeds. Bit kooky that . Also it switches off when machine does.. and to switch on when you switch puter back on ... You do an initial left click. I didnt think it was as funky as last one? It seems to have decieved me. its well funky.
Oh theres more...
Plus its metallic deep red, and rubber side grips. Thems the important bits. But Dont like its click sound.
 Maybe im noticing the click sounds cos the dead one had very very low volume, and this isnt . (from the mouse itself) < THIS, This all is very important sensory information. To someone who loved a mouse that is now dead. Its replacement HAS to prove itself.
 Sounds silly, but it ISNT. Its quite important. Especially with fatigue, these things do matter quite a lot.

But im sure me and new mouse will get along. Now to bury the dead one. 

Tuesday, 23 February 2016

Okay here it is

Julie, she’s a Man (I nicked that from a song) 
This one doesn’t wanna be that man.

I’m not one that often seeks help for myself.
Imagine if you will a world where you live breathe eat and sleep as one person, but inside you are not that person. Would that be living a lie?
Would the freedom to create an online identity reduce that slightly as you can express and present differently? Is that enough?
Very difficult to explain. I am inside whatever.But presenting that and being that having far too many percieved and experienced barriers .

I was born male. I don’t FEEL male, I FEEL woman, and have for years and years.

We get through various crisis scenarios, even a childhood where all femininity was denied me by an onerous and violent man. So as to arrive in Life as Man to a 49 yr old still lost, still not who they should really be.  That’d be me. I have known for so long. And why haven’t I asked anyone help? There’d be many reasons for that.

Turned down by NHS 3 times. I don’t fit their niche apparently.

Thinking about it I can self medicate. But i cant afford it. Safely I can use 6-8mg daily of Progynova daily. ..And androcur . And there’s electrolysis which seems like another mountain. Too many mountains in fact.

With help though for these costs, as I maintain my own daily/ weekly/ monthly and annual costs from an ESA only income (where a lot of that as much as i can helps other people on many issues) , I could conceive that this would be an extremely good route to take for sanity and wellbeing.  Seeing a thing on telly where even people nearly there condemn me as a not there upset me a lot. The Not Trans enough thing does bite.

But theres environment, people and support.. where 1) not good 2) not good and 3) Where is it? so i leave this blog as it is .


Friday, 19 February 2016

I may have solved Why Earworms Exist...

Some people get reminded of tunes for reasons, and others for no reason at all, but the no reason at all Mustve been triggered by something. Let me develop that further. There may be NO ACCIDENTAL EARWORMS AT ALL.. bear with me.

So the first i was reminded of was Rise, by Public Image Limited, when someone was talking about the only energy that keeps them going was anger. That that was their energy. And if you know the song. Theres words in that repeat: "anger is an energy" , so that was that one.

The second was I was reading about the blusterings and distractions of EU negotiations, when theres issues like the health service/ pensions/ and sick and disabled cuts to funding and benefits going on. The song? Comparing Politicians to children and their games? did you guess? Games Without Frontiers, Peter Gabriel.

And now the third. Seeing the plethora of confusion, bombing of hospitals and civilians in several places, if you read up you'll know where..and that so easily that could end up in some immense catastropy..thoughts many have. An accident could trigger that catastropic imagination into reality. Did you guess the song? 99 Red Balloons by Nena, where the premise of that was Accidental release of weather balloons causing a major crisis point situation.

So when you think hard about why you think of a song. Think , is there a reason a song comes to mind?

I may have solved Why Earworms Exist.

Wednesday, 17 February 2016

Dont Judge Book by cover.. you never know/ More on Invisible stuff

Tenofovir disoproxil, two 10/500 codydramol, strong b vit compound, folic acid, thiamin, and a fybogel. Done, just the now.
Do you know thats the main daily thing? ...then more codydramol (up to 8 a day total) and ibruprofen, if needed. Thats for the rest of my life, unless they change anything. Deffo the T.D. wont be removed- theres no other meds left in the options, ive had all and i mean all the other options....
That IS a daily forever thing. So that one better not give up eh?

So you think that i'd be pretty used to it and it doesnt cause issues in head by now at least.... youd be wrong , its always a constant . what issues, i cant say, but yeah. Also two/three of the DX's, they play with the head. Yup.

So never judge. Cos it could be very complex inside, and you see NONE of it, unless you know. Even then you might be guessing. 

Tuesday, 16 February 2016

The One where i got a We're confirming the details we hold on you call..

On a details check, the caller was correct to call, but didnt know that ESA support group doesnt relate to or get income support.. WHICH WAS madness. They said so with that do you also get income support? FFS they should train condition checkers far more than they do.
Also... How often do you use internet, and do you have any social media accounts. NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS
None of the answers were mandatory, it was a justified call, but still, the caller didnt seem to know the questions they were asking, or the questions were badly designed.
I did also say that withheld number even though I know who you are and why you are calling, that i have mentioned to themselves before as a barrier to getting through to some people... and registered with them that my preferred contact with them is now EMAIL. lets see if that sticks.

Friday, 5 February 2016

More stuff and whatever about Invisible Stuff...

Just had one of those pains in my ankle that happen from time to time.. and it made me skake. One of those.
One of those things YOU dont see.
Thats possibly gonna be called Chronic Regional Pain syndrome if it goes on and on, they call it prescribed pain at the moment. As its a result from an assault.
Basically in whole and including knee downwards.
You dont see it.
I barely limp, (most of the time, sometimes i do so more)
I notice different walk but others unless looking ...
cant see.
So I've told you bits before of my invisibles.
And so Thats one of my other invisibles above.

Views On this Govt.

A Domestic Abuse Survivor wrote and asked me to share her concerns, and so without edit, i do so below...


Have we ever been hoodwinked or treated so badly by a government in recent times?

I compare this political era to a miserable, abusive, stifling, frightening, damaging relationship I escaped from in 2006.
I escaped because I could. There were steps in place to help me in my desperation. Housing benefit, refuge, support from CAB
and a mental health team. I did it.

There comes a moment of clarity. A searing realisation of the harm being done. The isolation. The sheer terror. THIS PERSON
(OR GOVT) DO NOT HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART. In the most sinister way, they convince outsiders
they're doing everything possible and this is 'the right thing to do.' It's not.

Look at what government are doing with help of complicit press/media. They're denying justice for all, destroying Social Security,
housing, benefits for sick/disabled, NHS, social care. They stalk our country deciding who deserves to eat or heat their homes, or even
if they deserve homes at all. They're crippling opposition and changing boundaries to their advantage. They're removing voters
from electoral roll who are most likely to vote for opposition. They're pitting one minority group against another. Democracy?
I don't think so.
I escaped in 2006. Today it would be almost impossible. There's one abuser bigger than all the rest. Our own government.

Tuesday, 2 February 2016

Poverty Porn is sickeningly blatent...

Four Days ago Trussell Trust said :" ‪#‎BenefitsBritain‬ just turned up unannounced at a foodbank despite being asked not to; we don't support demonising poverty."
This is sign of continual (and aimed to be continued) media trying to assault characters.
The day before Yesterday I saw a Journo/ telly request for People who KNEW anyone overweight or that kept a pet and used a foodbank, to speak to.
Now combined with all the other stuffs we see if thats not deliberate sensationalist bombardment, and poverty shaming/ poverty porn what is?


Try to counter this where ever you can, its insipid filthy media.